Loneliness
by Jellicle Moon
Summary: I've screwed up. Again. It's one of my more infuriating habits. You see, I've always made the wrong choices, always made bad decisions, even when I was human, but this time it has cost me dearly. It's cost me Elena...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Vampire Diaries, no copyright infringement intended. **

**A/N: First attempt at fanfic, got another part nearly finished (there will definitely be one more part, and depending on response, possibly more). All feedback appreciated, would love to know what people think, if I should continue, any criticisms etc. Intended to fit in with the series, not the books (which I can't stand!). Post S2x06, kind of a response to the ending of that episode.**

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Damon.

_I've screwed up. Again. It's one of my more infuriating habits. You see, I've always made the wrong choices, always made bad decisions, even when I was human, but this time it has cost me dearly. It's cost me Elena. I should never have looked twice at Katherine Pierce, but she compelled me to love her, until there was no more need for compulsion. She has been the bain of my existence, she is the reason I am miserable, even now, even though I ceased to love her the minute I found out that she had never been in the tomb. When the opportunity came to taunt her over my defeat of Mason Lockwood, I couldn't resist. I knew it was unlikely that she had ever loved him, that my killing him would have no effect on her emotions, after all, Katherine does not love anyone other than Katherine, but I had at least hoped that it would perhaps deter her in some small way. If I had realised what she was going to do, I honestly would never have angered her, because I know Elena could and would never forgive me if Jenna had died because of my actions. It's hard enough for her to look at me sometimes when she remembers what I did to Jeremy, and I can tell that she still hates me for it, but then why wouldn't she? I hate myself; she might as well hate me too. _

_There is a constant echo playing in my mind of the last words Elena said to me as she left the boarding house: "It's over. Katherine won." I couldn't believe it, the irony of it; that Katherine had been the one to succeed in breaking up Stefan and Elena after I had tried so many times. I had come to accept that although it was torture for me to watch, Elena and Stefan were unshakable, and that if I wanted Elena in my life, I was going to have to accept them together. Stefan could not have been more right when he said Elena was not Katherine; I knew he was right because we could never share Elena the way that we had shared Katherine. At least when Elena was mad at me for nearly killing Jeremy she still came to the boarding house, I still got to see her, and whilst seeing her has never been enough for me, I know that it has to be, because I've always known deep down, that she will never love me the way she loves Stefan; she will never be able to fully accept all of the things I have done. As I said, I learnt to accept them together because, even though Elena is not in my life the way I want her to be, at least she is in my life, even if it _is_ because she is dating my brother. The idea of a life in which Elena does not feature, however fleetingly, holds no prospects for the future other than an agony that I can't even begin to describe. It is so much worse than when I thought Katherine was dead, and when I found out she was alive and that she had betrayed me. _

_Getting my revenge against Katherine doesn't really even matter anymore, I can accept now that she never loved me, I can accept everything that she put me though, but what I cannot bear is the agony she is putting Elena through in forcing her and Stefan to be apart. I love Elena enough to realise that she should be with Stefan who is all the things that I am not. I do want to make Katherine pay, but not for my sake anymore, for Elena. It's all for Elena. I need Elena to know how truly sorry I am that Katherine lashed out at her. I need to see her, I need to explain…_

Elena

_I felt like someone had ripped out my heart as I left the Salvatore boarding house after ending my relationship with Stefan. I felt empty, and to be honest, I wished Damon had physically torn out my heart like he had Mason Lockwood's, because then I wouldn't have to feel like this, everything would be over, and no one could hurt me anymore. It seems to be a trend in my life: that I can't just be happy, that something bad always has to happen. I coped with the death of my parents, I know that's what they would have wanted for me, even though it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I handled it when Vicky died, I even adjusted when I found out that I was adopted and that my mother was now a vampire, but the idea of losing Stefan, just seems like the last straw. It seems too much. It _is_ too much. I had even started to think that Damon and I might be able to be friends again, I didn't think at first that I'd ever be able to forgive him for some of his behaviour, but he really has been a good friend to me. He's saved my life on more than one occasion, and I know deep down that I can trust him. I know that Damon's impulsive behaviour is who he is and that he won't change. Even though he does stupid things sometimes, I can understand why he does them; I have only had to live with the threat of Katherine in my life for a few months, but she makes me want to lash out, and do things I would never have thought myself capable of thinking. I don't know how Stefan stays so calm sometimes, I guess in some ways I have more in common with Damon._

_I feel so completely empty right now, that anything other than just laying here feels like an impossible effort. I feel so weary, that my body actually aches with the weight of my feelings pressing down on me, as though I have been physically injured as well. It feels like an enormous effort, but I force myself to go and get in the shower, hoping that the warm water will wash away some of what I'm feeling. My back physically aches as I pull my shirt over my head, and my legs feel unsteady with the effort of pulling off my jeans. After adjusting the temperature of the shower I half stumble into it, and because my legs still feel so unsteady, I slowly lower myself onto the floor underneath the hot jets. The water is a little hot, but I want to _feel_ something, something different, something other than the complete hopelessness I am feeling now. I pull my legs in towards me, wrap my arms around them and lay with head resting on the tops of my knees; it is there in the complete solitude of the shower cubical that I finally break down and cry for everything I have lost. _

Damon drove uncharacteristically at the speed limit across Mystic Falls to Elena's house. He could have ran there much quicker, but he needed the time to try and formulate the words he wanted to say to her. He knew though that even if the journey to Elena's had taken the time it would take to fly to Rome and back, that it wouldn't have been enough time for him to figure out everything he needed to tell her. He parked his car a few streets away from Elena's, he didn't want to make it blindingly obvious to anyone, namely Katherine, that he was there. He walked, slowly taking in every detail of his surroundings in the hopes that he would be able to see if someone was watching him. He didn't see anyone. He couldn't knock on the door, for obvious reasons, not least of which it was one o'clock in the morning, so he made his way round to the side of the house where Elena's room was. The light was still on, she was still awake.

He carefully made his way up to her window ledge and was confused to find that she wasn't in there even though the light was on. In a blind panic Damon hurriedly pushed open the window and clambered inside, if he had been able to breathe he would have exhaled a sigh of relief when he heard the shower running in the bathroom. As he listened, he realised that in amongst the sound of the pitter-patter of the water there was another sound, Elena was crying, and the thought made his heart feel even more like it was breaking. He resigned himself to waiting for her and settled himself at the window seat in her room.

Elena

_Elena's head jerked up, she thought she had heard a noise coming from her room, scratch that, she was _sure_ she had heard a noise coming from her room. Her adrenaline kicked in and she pushed herself quickly to her feet, and wrapped herself in the first thing within her reach: a dark green towel. It was pointless to look around in the bathroom for something that could be used as a weapon, what was she going to do, fight off an intruder with a toothbrush? She crept as quietly as she could to the bathroom door and opened it just a sliver to see who was in her room. Elena let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding, she could hear her own heart beat pounding in her ears. It was Damon. _

Damon

_A few smart-ass remarks popped into my head when she opened the bathroom door wearing a towel, but I forced myself not to say them; I was here to apologise, not make things worse. Instead I just said her name "Elena" and to my shock she threw herself straight into my arms. I couldn't help myself, this time I did say the first thing that popped into my head. "Well Elena, if I'd known that was all it would take to get you in my arms, I'd have done it a long time ago." Of course she hit me for this, but I didn't care, I was glad of the physical contact. I could hear her heart racing, and I closed my eyes for all of half a minute, pretending in that time that her heart was racing for me, not because she had been scared._

Elena

_I don't know what made me do it, but in that moment I was so happy that it was Damon in my room that I ran over and hugged him. Damon, being Damon, obviously had to cheapen the moment, and even though I hit him, I did it unthinkingly and out of habit, I didn't really _mean_ to hit him. I can't remember ever being so happy to see Damon, and I'd felt so alone, even though it had only been a few hours since I'd left the boarding house. I just felt the need to be close to someone, someone that knew what was going on._

After a few minutes of holding on to Damon for dear life, Elena came to her senses a bit, and thought to ask him what he was doing there. Damon realised in that moment that it had been stupid of him to come. "I don't know. I wanted to apologise, but nothing I say will ever be enough. I shouldn't have come Elena, I'm sorry for scaring you." He broke away from her a little, making to leave, but she surprised herself again by reaching out for his hand to stop him. "Please Damon…" Elena said. "Stay with me a bit." Damon's heart felt like it had sunk a little in his chest, and he knew he couldn't deny her.

"Ok." He sighed, enjoying the feel of her hand in his. "What do you want to do?"

"Honestly? I really feel like a drink." Elena responded, uncharacteristically.

"Well you don't have to convince me." Damon quipped. "Would you like me to go and get something from downstairs?"

"It's ok, I'll go. Jenna would wonder what you were doing here at this time if she saw you." Elena made her way downstairs and searched through the kitchen cupboards for something alcoholic, she settled on some Bourbon, hoping Jenna wouldn't notice it was missing. Next she grabbed two glasses and made her way back up the stairs. Damon was sat on her bed when she got back to her room. She placed the bottle and glass on the nightstand, and remembered that she was still wearing the towel she had grabbed in a hurry. "I'm just going to…" Elena gestured to her attire "… would you mind…?" She made a circular movement with her index finger as she spoke, to indicate he should turn around. Damon sat up and turned around, listening to Elena move around the room. Elena grabbed a loose fitting, old fashioned night-shirt out of her drawers and pulled it on, buttoning it up.

"Ok, all done."

Damon resumed his position on her bed, and she settled herself next to him, handing him a glass.

"So, what are we drinking to?" Damon asked.

"Killing Katherine?" Elena responded questioningly, after all, Damon had loved Katherine for over a century, and she wasn't entirely sure how he would feel about what she had just said. Elena unscrewed the cap on the Bourbon and filled up both their glasses.

"That sounds like an excellent plan to me" Damon responded before knocking his glass against hers in a toast; they both drained and refilled their glasses. He saw Elena's face change momentarily, unable to hide her surprise at his words. "I mean it Elena, I've had it with her. I don't love her anymore, I hate her for what she did to me, but even more, I hate her for what she's doing to you. Katherine knows exactly how to destroy a person, look at me and Stefan. I won't let her do anything else to you." Damon drained his glass again, and Elena passed him the bottle, choosing to sip her drink a bit more slowly. She rested her head against his shoulder, and quietly said "Thank you" as he wrapped his arm around her. They sat like that for a while, quietly passing the bottle of Bourbon between them as they each finished their drinks, Damon going at a slightly quicker rate than Elena, but then he was a well practiced drinker, and Elena wasn't. She could already feel the warming effect of the liquor in her stomach, and the welcome numbness it was slowly bringing with it.

As Elena sat with Damon, she kept thinking about how much she already missed Stefan. She honestly didn't know what she was going to do now that she couldn't be with him. Elena took a large sip of her drink, and glanced up at Damon's face; he was looking at the wall, apparently lost in thought. He really was kind of beautiful she thought, dismissing the idea almost as quickly as it had popped into her mind.

"How do you cope?" Elena broke the silence with her question.

"What do you mean?" Damon asked, puzzled.

"How do you keep going, after everything that's happened to you?" Elena explained. She wouldn't normally have thought of asking Damon such a serious question, but for some reason, it felt ok to do it. She threw back her drink, in anticipation of his answer. Damon sat for a minute, still staring at the wall. How could he answer her? He didn't know what so say. He drained his glass and held it out for Elena to refill as she did her own. Finally, after taking a sip of his freshly filled glass, he responded simply saying: "I have to."

"I don't know how you manage. Katherine makes me feel like giving up, like nothing is worth fighting for, like life just isn't worth living anymore with her around all the time, manipulating everything." Elena said, closing her eyes at the heavy, cold feeling that had settled in her stomach. In the next second she felt her head softly bang against the headboard as Damon moved from her side, quick as a flash. "Owww", Elena groaned rubbing her head.

Damon grabbed hold of Elena's face forcefully and looked her directly in the eyes. "Don't let me hear you talking like that again Elena. It _will_ get better, I promise you. I know you feel like your world is ending at the moment, believe me, I _know. _I've been there. I know what it's like not to be with the person you love. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get better."

In that moment Elena felt even worse; Damon had loved Katherine for so many years, had endured what she was feeling now for not just hours, but years; it felt wrong to be focussing on her pain as she looked into his tortured eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you, after everything Katherine has put you through. Katherine doesn't deserve your love."

"Katherine doesn't _have_ my love." Damon responded, breaking away from Elena and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. _You have my love, _he finished silently. His glass was empty again before he knew it, and he was pouring himself another when he felt Elena move behind him and place a hand on his shoulder. He hated himself for it, but that tiny bit of contact sent an electric shock tingling down his spine.

Elena wasn't stupid. She realised in that moment when he couldn't look her in the eye the full extent of what he was saying, or rather _not_ saying. It was an unfinished statement: _"Katherine doesn't have my love" _and she was sure in that minute that Damon had feelings for her. It was so unlike him to be unable to look her in the eyes when he spoke to her, he always told her the truth, didn't hide things from her. She just sat there with her hand on his shoulder. He handed the bottle of Bourbon over his shoulder when he heard her downing the contents of her glass. Elena took the bottle and rested her glass on the nightstand next to the bed, she unscrewed the cap from the bottle and lifted the bottle to her lips. The amber liquid burned as it went down, numbing her lips and tongue slightly. Numb was good, numb was _very good_ she thought as she took another large gulp straight from the bottle.

Elena knew it was wrong what she was thinking right now, but she felt so empty at the moment that she pushed it to the back of her mind. Damon was sat right in front of her, and she knew how he felt about her. She also knew she didn't feel the same way for him, but the fact that he was there, and he cared for her was suddenly intoxicating to her. Elena took yet another swallow from the bottle and passed it back to Damon over his shoulder. _If I can't have Stefan, wouldn't Damon be the next best thing?_ Elena was thinking. She absolutely hated herself for it, but the thought was there and there was nothing she could do to erase it. In that moment, Elena just felt the need to be close to someone who cared for her, who could make her forget how wretched she felt right now; she needed to be loved, and her mind was too addled by the alcohol to persuade her that what she was doing was wrong and would only make her feel worse in the long run.

Damon felt the bed shift underneath him as Elena leaned forward. If his heart had been beating, he felt sure that as Elena's lips softly touched against the skin of his neck under his left earlobe, that it would have stopped. He closed his eyes at the sensation of it. Elena repeated the gesture, once, twice and a third time, before wrapping an arm around him, and allowing her hand to trace ever so gently under his shirt collar, resting on his chest, her head laying on his shoulder, her breath in his ear. It was too much to resist and Damon span round, and pushed her back against the pillows in seconds, his nose touching hers, their lips an inch apart. "Elena…" he asked questioningly, looking into her eyes. Elena responded by reaching up and burying her hand in his hair, and closing the inch gap between their lips…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Vampire Diaries. Shame. Damon would be spending a lot more time wearing a lot less clothes if I did...**

**A/N: Decided not to mess around with 1st/3rd person narratives this time and kept it all in 3rd. Again, all reviews are greatly appreciated. I have ideas where to go from here, let me know if y'all want me to continue it, because otherwise I probably won't. Working 3 jobs really _is _a pain in the arse sometimes, and my time is pretty limited, so if I do update, it will prob be next week.**

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The kiss was electric, and they both got lost in it immediately. Damon couldn't help but increase the pressure of his mouth on hers, he kissed her more forcefully, trailing his tongue against the curve of her lips, silently asking for entry. Elena complied and they both let out a moan, her hands tangling even more in his hair, trying desperately to pull him closer, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her to him. He turned them so that they were lying on their sides, and Elena scooted herself closer to him, hooking her left leg over his hip, enjoying the feel of his rough jeans rubbing against the bare skin of her legs.

Elena just couldn't bring herself to stop; Damon's lips on hers felt amazing, and she just wanted to feel close to someone right now, wanted someone to take away all the horrible things she was feeling. She knew it was wrong, and she hated herself for it, but the alcohol had left her feeling a bit out of control, as though she was merely watching herself do this, as opposed to being in control of it and able to stop. Damon's lips broke away from hers and trailed hot, wet kisses along her neck and she shivered with pleasure as he grazed his teeth lightly against her pulse point. Elena would never have been able to admit it to Stefan, but she had always wondered what it would be like if he had bitten her when they were having sex; the idea had always turned her on if she was honest, but she knew Stefan wouldn't have been able to control himself. Damon wasn't Stefan though.

"Damon…" Elena moaned, breathless. "Would you like… I mean, could you control yourself… if, if you were to…" She couldn't say it, but she didn't need to, because in that moment, Damon came crashing to his senses. Elena had been drinking, she was upset, she obviously wasn't thinking clearly. He sat up quickly and attempted to put some distance between them by going to sit at the end of her bed. It was physically painful for Damon to pull himself away from her, knowing that she had been about to offer him the chance to drink her blood, she had no idea how much he wanted it, how hard it was for him to resist her.

"Damon, what? What did I do?" Elena asked sitting up.

"What are we doing Elena? What are you doing?" He asked.

"Don't you want to do this?" Elena responded, slightly crestfallen.

"I want this more than you know Elena, but I know that you don't. Not really. I know you Elena, and you're in love with Stefan. You'll regret this, and I can't go along with it knowing that." Damon confessed, hating that he had made himself vulnerable by letting her know nearly how much he cared.

Elena's head was swimming, she was still breathless from the kisses he had given her, and a new feeling was starting to settle in her stomach, rejection. She knew that what Damon was saying made sense, but all it felt like was rejection after such a long day of heartbreak. It felt like one more thing out of her control, and like she had lost something else, because in the few minutes they had been kissing, Elena had felt comforted; she had not forgotten everything that had happened, but she had been distracted from it. Elena hated herself for the words that came out of her mouth in the next minutes, but she couldn't stop herself:

"Damon, please." She crawled across the bed to him, and held his face in her hands so she could look him in the eye as she spoke. "I _need_ this Damon. I need you to help me forget. If you feel for me like I think you do, you won't push me away."

"Elena…" he whispered, closing his eyes. "If we do this, there's no going back. I can't handle it if you start to hate me for letting you go through with something I know you don't really want to do."

"I won't hate you, I could never hate you. I care about you, Damon. You're my friend, and I'm not going to regret this." Elena reached for her hand, and brought it to her chest.

Damon's mind was on overdrive. He wanted Elena, there was no question about that, but this would actually mean something to him, he didn't know if he could take it if she felt like he had taken advantage of her. It annoyed Damon that he was thinking about this the way he was, he hated that Elena had this effect on him, that she made him feel the way that he did; she made him feel almost human. Damon also didn't know if he could handle having her once, and knowing it would never happen again, because he didn't think he would be able to go back to how things were between them if they slept together. He opened his eyes again, and met her gaze and she just looked so… helpless. He couldn't deny her, whatever the consequences would be, he couldn't turn away from her.

Damon leant forwards and slowly brushed his lips against hers. It was almost painful for him kissing her, knowing that there was only a limited time in which it would be allowed. He wanted to make it last. He gently guided her back towards the pillows, and half covered her body with his, careful not to put too much of his weight on her, all the while still kissing her softly. Elena's arms wrapped themselves around his neck and she whispered "thank you" against his lips, creating the opportunity for him to slip his tongue into her mouth. She moaned in pleasure as his tongue softly massaged hers, making her ache at her core for him.

Elena's hands roamed openly over his back, and found their way under his shirt, where she gently scratched her nails on the smooth skin of his back. He hissed in pleasure. She started undoing the buttons on his shirt, working her way up from the bottom, running her fingers over each new bit of skin she unearthed. He was genuinely beautiful, she thought, as she reached the top button and pushed the shirt down over his shoulders. He broke away from her to help her take his shirt off, and allowed her to push him back onto the bed and straddle him, content to let her explore his body as she wished. Elena kissed him firmly on the lips, and then trailed butterfly kisses across his cheek, tracing the edge of his jaw line, along the elegant curve of his neck and across his collar bone, and then worked her way up the other side in the same manner.

Damon was burning; each bit of skin Elena's lips touched felt like it was on fire. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this before, not even with Katherine. He moved to sit them up so that she was sat on his knee with her legs wrapped around his waist. His hands ran through the long, silken tresses of her hair, luxuriating in the feel of them under his fingers. He kissed her neck as he had before, again grazing his teeth against her pulse point; Damon wouldn't bite her though, not yet.

Elena gasped and couldn't stop herself from grinding against Damon, she was only wearing her night shirt, and she could feel the roughness of his jeans, and the hardness of what was underneath them, rubbing against her where she wanted Damon to be touching her most. His hands went to the front of her shirt, brushing her collarbone softly before working his way down her buttons, kissing each bit of exposed flesh as he went. He trailed kisses over her shoulders as he slowly, agonisingly slowly, pushed the shirt down over her shoulders, finally exposing her to him; he couldn't think of a more beautiful sight than that of Elena sat exactly as she was at that second, looking up at him with desire etched across the plains of her face. His hands skimmed along the soft skin of her stomach, to rest finally on her small, perfect breasts.

Elena arched her back and pushed into his hands as he tenderly massaged her breasts, rubbing a calloused thumb against her nipples, causing a delicious friction that made her squirm against him. When Damon's lips fastened around one of her nipples, it was bliss, complete and utter bliss, and as his tongue swirled around and around her nipple, the ache that was throbbing between her legs reached an almost painful level.

Damon smiled against Elena's breast, as she rubbed against him; he could feel how wet she was getting through his jeans. He switched his attentions to her other nipple, and she positively whimpered in ecstasy, allowing her head to fall back and her mouth to open slightly in pleasure.

"Damon… please…" she moaned, wanting him to do something about the building ache between her legs.

"Please what, Elena? Tell me what you want me to do you." Damon whispered the words against her ear causing shivers of anticipation to run down her back.

"I want you to…" Elena started to say, not used to this kind of thing, slightly embarrassed. He started to kiss her neck again, and then nibble gently on her ear; the pleasure she felt when he did this helped Elena to focus herself and she managed to finish what she wanted to say. Elena met his gaze and said: "I want you to touch me, Damon." If it was possible, hearing Elena vocalise her wishes turned Damon on even more.

He lifted her off of his knee and laid her down on the bed, kissing her tenderly on the lips as one of his hands slowly slid downwards, his fingers skimming across her stomach, until he reached the soft folds nestled between Elena's legs. She broke away from their kiss and gasped his name, as his fingers deftly rubbed her clitoris. One of his fingers slid into her, quickly followed by a second, and soon she was thrusting her hips up quickly to meet his movements. Damon could tell Elena was getting close from the flush that was starting to form on her chest, and teasingly started to kiss his way down her body. "Oh, God!" Elena moaned when he reached his goal, arching her back and pushing herself closer to him as he started to suck ever so gently on her clitoris. The pressure of Damon's mouth on her clit, combined with the delicious friction of his fingers thrusting and curling inside of her pushed Elena over the edge and she came, her mouth forming a silent O.

Damon slowed the thrusts of his fingers inside of her, enjoying feeling the little, lingering spasms of pleasure still surging through her. Elena reached down to take his unoccupied hand, and she pulled him back up the bed so that his face was level with hers again. She kissed him fiercely and started impatiently tugging at the buckle on his belt, desperate to have him inside of her. He laughed at her frustration, and stood at the side of the bed to help her by removing it himself. He pulled off his belt first, and then stepped out of his jeans and boxers. Elena's eyes widened slightly at the sight of his erection springing free from its confinement, causing Damon to smirk in self satisfaction.

As Damon stepped back towards the bed, Elena reached out a tentative hand to touch Damon's manhood, causing him to hiss in pleasure, and instinctively thrust his hips forward at her touch. His head fell back, and his eyes closed in pleasure as Elena began to stroke him in earnest. All of a sudden he felt the tip of her tongue swirl around the tip of his cock, before she took the head into her mouth and began to suck, still running her hand up and down the base. "Oh, fuck Elena!" he gasped and hearing that profanity come from him caused a surge of wetness between Elena's thighs.

To his embarrassment, Damon was sure he wasn't going to last very long at this rate; Elena was surprisingly good at this. He buried his hands in her hair and stilled her movements, pulling her up so she was standing in front of him. "Did I do something wrong?" She asked.

"No, I'd just rather come inside you." He said against her lips before crushing his lips to hers. Elena threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down as close to her as she could physically get him, glorying in the feel of his bare skin against hers. His chest was pale and hairless, and slightly cool; it felt amazing having her breasts crushed up against it. They stumbled back onto the bed, and Damon pulled Elena on top of him so that she was straddling him, all the while their tongues still battling furiously.

Elena tentatively guided Damon to her entrance, and slowly lowered herself inch by inch down on to him. Damon grunted in pleasurable pain when Elena bit his shoulder to stop herself from screaming out, as she took the last few inches of him inside her; he was so big, it was almost painful. _Almost_. Damon placed his hands on Elena's hips to hold her where she was so that he could savour the feeling of being so deep inside of her, and to allow her to get used to his size. After a minute or so, she started to rock gently against him, and he helped guide her, whilst thrusting his hips up to meet hers.

They quickly picked up the pace, thrusting quicker and quicker against each other, Elena crying out every time Damon hit her hotspot. Damon shifted them slightly so that he was sat, with Elena in his lap and her legs wrapped around his waist, driving him even deeper inside her. Elena ground her hips against his frantically as she felt that familiar tightening in the pit of her stomach, "getting close, Damon" Elena mumbled, barely capable of coherent speech. Damon quickened his thrusts at that, he wanted to come with her. Elena's head fell back in total abandon, as she arched her back against his thrusts eager to keep up.

Damon looked down at Elena's beautiful face, completely given over to pleasure, his gaze travelled from her face, down the elegant column of her throat, and fixed on the place where he could literally see her pulse beating. He thought of what she had been about to ask him earlier, and he couldn't stop himself this time, he leaned in and gently grazed his teeth on the spot. "Elena...?" he questioned. Her only response was to turn her neck at a slightly more accessible angle for him, as she swept her hair completely out of the way.

Damon sank his fangs into Elena's neck, and she cried his name out, as he began to suck, drawing out a small amount of her blood. She was so carried away with pleasure that she didn't even feel the sting of his fangs piercing her skin, and each pull she felt on her neck, caused her clitoris to throb as though he was sucking on that instead. It was enough to send Elena rocketing over the edge, and she had the most intense orgasm she had ever had. Damon came at the same time she did, shouting her name, revelling in the taste of her blood, and the sensual feel of it coursing down his throat. They stayed sat like that for a long time, still connected and coming down from their high, each occasionally experiencing the odd aftershock. Elena's head had been resting on Damon's shoulder and she leaned up to give him a long, lazy, slow kiss; the kind reserved for moments exactly like this, when you are completely sated and exhausted. "Thank you." She whispered, reminding him of why this had happened. He didn't care in that moment though, he was just happy to still be entwined with her, safe in the knowledge that it _had_ happened.

They eventually had to move, and Damon lifted her off of him, causing both disappointment at the sudden separation, and laid her down carefully on the bed, noticing for the first time that some of her blood had leaked from the wound in her neck. It had painted a thin red streak running from her neck, and down in between her breasts, trailing all the way to her belly button. He dipped his tongue into her navel, eliciting a gasp of surprise from her, and followed the trail of the blood up over her stomach, and between the valley of her breasts, finishing by placing a tender kiss upon her lips. Damon moved to lay beside Elena, and took hold of her hand, lacing their fingers together. They lay like that, not talking, just looking at each other, until Elena drifted off to sleep. Damon pulled her closer to him, and whispered "I love you, Elena", before kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes too.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries, I just like to play with the characters every now and again… though sometimes I wonder if they play with me…? There are a few things in here that were quite clear in my head as I was writing this, and yet somehow, as I was typing up these ideas, the characters seemed to take it completely upon themselves to do exactly as they pleased. Go figure.

**A/N: As mentioned above, this chapter deviated somewhat from my original plan, thanks to an un-cooperative Damon (well, it was obviously going to be him, wasn't it?) I'm thinking I've got 2 more chapters up there in my little mind, anyone interested? Hadn't intended them to end up in bed together again so soon, was it a bad decision to let Damon get his way? Also I was slightly influenced by watching **_**Wake**_** last night, mostly naked Ian Somerhalder = naughty thoughts. (I dare any one of you to deny that you feel the same!) Apologies again for the lack of update for ages, as I said before this whole 3 jobs thing is a bit of a bitch, hoping to cut down in the New Year. Can't wait for the next ep of **_**VD**_**, I really am intrigued by the trailer where Damon threatens Elena with throwing her over his shoulder. Hmmm, wish Damon would throw **_**me**_** over his shoulder…**

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Elena snuggled closer to Stefan as she woke up, his arms were wrapped tightly around her and it just felt _right._ He planted a kiss on the top of her head as he said "morning, Elena", and immediately alarm bells started to go off in Elena's still sleep addled mind. Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright so quickly an observer might have thought that she was the vampire in the room. She knew that voice, and it wasn't Stefan's. Immediately, she was flooded with memories of last night. _Oh god_, Elena thought and groaned out loud, regretting it immediately when she saw the look that crossed Damon's face; he had looked hurt. He was hurt. Damon hated himself for it, but he had hoped, even though he knew he was kidding himself, that she would wake up this morning and be happy to see him in her bed.

Damon had woken a good half hour before Elena, and he had just been laying there looking at her face as she slept. He knew that it could be construed as being creepy, but he didn't really care, he was just happy to be able to lay there with the woman he loved in his arms and pretend, just for a short while, that she was there in his arms because she loved him too. The groan that came from her however, brought reality crashing back to him; that Elena had slept with him purely because she missed his brother, and had been a little drunk. He had known this last night, but somehow, in the light of the morning it made him feel… empty. He knew exactly what he was missing now, and now that he did know, it felt like a lot to have lost.

The pair just sat looking at each other, neither knew what to say. Elena's gaze slipped from Damon's face to his chest, and was suddenly hit with the rather obvious observation that if _he_ was naked, so was _she._ "Oh" she gasped and quickly pulled up the bed sheets to cover her breasts, she had still been half asleep when she had sat up and it had somehow escaped her attention that she was undressed. Damon couldn't help himself, he started to laugh softly. "I would've thought we were past shyness after last night Elena." Elena's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she remembered practically pleading with Damon to sleep with her.

Damon saw Elena blush and assumed it was because of her nakedness, he decided to take pity on her and untangled himself from the sheets, so he could get her the nightshirt that had been discarded last night. He wasn't embarrassed about his naked state, in typical Damon style he was quite proud of it, and frankly, he had every reason to be, which of course he knew. Elena's eyes widened slightly when the covers fell away, and Damon allowed himself a small smirk as he turned to retrieve her nightshirt for her. He passed it to her and turned his back to allow her to put it on, while he in turn pulled on his underwear and jeans.

Elena was the first one to speak. "Damon… I owe you an apology." She had sat on the bed as she was speaking and he turned and came to sit next to her. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have behaved the way I did last night." Elena realised that she had hurt him, she had known he'd felt something for her, and she had played on it last night; she felt awful about what she had done, about how she had behaved. Her thoughts ran to Stefan, he would be heart-broken if he ever found out, he wouldn't care that she had done it because in her confused mind, Damon had been the next best thing if she couldn't have Stefan. In her sober state, Elena was horrified at her flawed logic from the night before. She had _used_ Damon, and now, even though she loved Stefan, it was going to be forever there in the back of her mind how much she had _enjoyed_ using Damon.

The memory of Damon's searing kisses caused Elena to shift uncomfortably, and her mind began to do the unforgivable; it started to try and make excuses, try and form an argument for doing it again. The problem with cheating, not that Elena and Stefan were technically together at this point, was that when you had done it once, and gotten away with it, there was always the temptation to do it again. She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the thoughts that were running though her mind, but instead images from the night before pushed their way in, and her body began to respond. Damon's heightened vampire senses could smell her arousal, and he couldn't help the surprise he felt. He couldn't stop the next words that came out of his mouth. "Elena, if you're really sorry, why do you want to do it again?"

"I-I don't." Elena stuttered.

"That's not true." He whispered, inching closer until his lips were next to her ear. "I can smell how much you want me Elena." Try as she might, Elena couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips as she felt his teeth graze her earlobe. Damon knew that whatever happened, this probably wasn't going to end well for him; it would be too much to ask that he actually got what he wanted for a change. A small part of Damon's mind had hoped that last night might have somewhat sated his desire for Elena, enough that he might be able to move past his feelings for her, but it had just made things worse; now he had had her, he wanted her again, and if there was any chance that she might comply, he wasn't going to give in.

"It's wrong, Damon. I know I started it, but I can't do this to Stefan."

"You already did, Elena." He said, kissing the soft skin behind her ear. "And-you-liked-it." He punctuated every word with a kiss, making his journey to where he had drank from her last night. He ran his tongue over the fang marks he had left on her neck, causing Elena's breath to hitch in her throat. Elena's mind was on overdrive. She knew it was wrong, but sleeping with Damon had felt so good, and it had made her forget for a little while that she had been upset about Stefan. Today was no different in the sense that she still couldn't be with Stefan, so what was the harm in giving into what she knew would make her feel better? Elena's eyes drifted closed as Damon trailed kisses down her neck and across her collarbone, and she knew then that she wasn't going to be able to resist him. Damon could hear Elena's heart rate accelerating, and moved so that his lips were millimetres away from hers.

Elena's eyes shot open when Damon stopped kissing her neck, to find herself looking directly into his exquisite blue eyes, she closed the gap agonisingly slowly, and then the frenzy began. His hands were tangled in her hair, and her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck almost instantly; they weren't taking things slowly this time. Their tongues warred furiously, each battling for dominance. Damon ripped at Elena's night shirt, and the buttons went flying, his lips broke away from hers and fastened around one of her nipples. Elena's hands went to Damon's head trying to pull him closer as she arched her back, feeling like he would never be able to get close enough to her. One of his hands found its way between her legs, and he quickly thrust two fingers inside of her, pumping them in and out at a fast pace. Elena's back arched violently upwards as his thumb found her clitoris. "Ohhhh, Damon!"

A few seconds later Elena was groaning in disappointment as his lips unfastened themselves from her breast, and found their way down to her inner thigh. Her hips bucked wildly against him, all the while moaning incoherently as he teased her by planting soft teasing kisses closer and closer to her centre. Damon dragged his fangs across her tender skin, and Elena guessed what he wanted. "Do it" she moaned, impatiently, and Damon sank his fangs into Elena's thigh and began to draw deeply on her blood. Elena's orgasm crashed over her when Damon took the first pull on her blood, she hadn't been prepared for the intensity of what she felt when he began to drink her blood. She had never felt anything like it, not even last night, she lost all control of her thoughts and was unaware of anything other than the sensations coursing through her. Elena assumed the intensity of the feelings were linking to _where_ he was biting her, not just that he was biting her.

Elena didn't feel his fangs leave her skin, she was still feeling little aftershocks from her orgasm, but was dimly aware of him licking the spot where his teeth had just pierced. Elena reached for Damon, still speechless and breathing heavily and pulled his face up to her, meeting his lips with a hot, open mouthed, carnal kiss. She could taste her blood on his lips, but she wasn't repulsed; she was even more turned on as she remembered the pleasure she had felt when he had bitten her. Her hands fumbled with the buckle on his jeans, and she managed to unfasten them and hurriedly pushed them and his boxers down his hips, and felt his erection spring free and press against her thigh where he had bitten her. She reached down and grasped his length, pulling him towards her, surprising both of them with her boldness. Damon didn't hesitate, they both wanted the same thing, and he plunged into Elena, filling her completely with one, deep thrust.

They both moaned at the connection, the noise somewhat stifled because their lips were still glued together. Elena pulled her lips away from his, gasping for air; she supposed that would be one of the advantages of being a vampire, not having to take breaks to breathe in situations like this. Damon adopted a fast and relentless pace, thrusting into her. Her lips found his again, as she arched up into him meeting him thrust for thrust. Damon forcefully took hold of one of her legs and wrapped it around his waist, allowing him to thrust into her at a deeper angle. In the back of his mind, Damon was sure that he wouldn't be this lucky again, and as he pounded into her, he was claiming her, trying to make her _his_, make it so that she only wanted him.

Elena sucked Damon's bottom lip into her mouth, and bit on it gently. "Harder," Damon moaned against her lips, "Bite harder." Without thinking, Elena complied and she bit down hard, bursting the skin. Elena couldn't think of anything quite like the taste of Damon's blood; of course she had had it before under other circumstances, when he had forced her to drink it, but now, whilst they were having sex it tasted different. It was warm, and wet and it just made the whole experience more sensuous. His blood was sweet, and thick and slightly spicy, and just very… Damon; that was the only way she could describe it. Damon's thrusts quickened as she sucked on his lip, and Elena felt her release nearing, until finally with a few final thrusts, she felt Damon's cock twitching inside of her and she followed him over the edge.

They stayed connected, their pelvises pressed against each other, as they both came slowly back down to earth. Damon laid his forehead against Elena's chest, and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of her heartbeat that had not quite returned to normal yet. Elena idly stroked his hair, feeling completely satisfied and comfortable, _too comfortable, _she thought to herself, and the familiar guilty feeling began to nestle itself away in the pit of her stomach again. She fidgeted slightly at the feeling and was reminded that Damon was still inside of her, and that just brought the guilt crashing down on her more. Elena pushed softly on Damon's hips, indicating that he should move, and he pulled out of her, leaning in to give her a gentle kiss on the lips, before he rolled off of her. She didn't let him kiss her though, and moved her head to the side to avoid it. "Elena?" he questioned.

Damon had known it had had to happen, but he had hoped it wouldn't happen at quite this moment; she was too good for him, he knew it, and obviously so did she. He got up with a sigh, ever graceful even though his jeans were only pushed half way down his legs, and pulled them up. Elena tried to wrap what was left of her nightshirt around her, and eventually gave up, since it was practically in pieces. She settled for wrapping her arms around herself, which made her look fragile, and made Damon wish he could wrap _his_ arms around her. Elena was going through things in her mind, she had had sex with Damon, twice. It was wrong, he was her boyfriend's brother. Elena tried to push the voice to the back of her head that kept saying _ex boyfriend's brother_ –when had she been so willing to just give up on Stefan so quickly? These weren't her most worrying thoughts though, the thing that really worried her was how much she had enjoyed it, how much she wanted him. Damon had made her feel things that Stefan never had, and she felt guilty even admitting that to herself. She didn't really know what to do, so she said the only thing she could think to say: "I'm sorry, Damon. I think you need to leave."

"But, Elena- " he started.

"You make me feel things Damon, things I _shouldn't _feel. I know it's awful of me to do this now, but I can't be around you. I need to think. I'm sorry. I know I've been terrible to you, but this isn't fair on Stefan either. I can't be Katherine – "

"You could _never_ be Katherine", Damon interrupted, without thinking, but then his mind helpfully reminded him that she most likely _would_ be like Katherine, she would pick Stefan just as Katherine had. He couldn't hate either of them for that though; Stefan was the good brother, Damon… well, Damon wasn't.

"Damon…" Elena said, genuine sorrow in her voice. "Please, I need some time alone. I need to think."

Damon walked over and retrieved his shirt, he pulled it on, not bothering to fasten it. He knew he should have just walked out then, but Damon wouldn't be Damon if he made the most sensible choices. Instead, Damon used his vampire speed to get in front of Elena, and he firmly grabbed hold of her head; not hard enough to hurt her, but firm enough to stop her from getting away. "When you're thinking, Elena, remember this: I _love_ you. There might be times that you think I'm not capable of it, but I do love you. I want you, Elena, more than anything." He leaned forwards then, ignoring Elena when she whispered "Damon, don't" and he tenderly, _lovingly,_ placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Elena's eyes slid closed as Damon kissed her, and when she opened them, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries. **

**A/N: Ok, so I've made a decision in this and I know that it will be seriously unpopular with a lot of people, and I want to apologise in advance for that. Also, this doesn't pick up where the last chapter ended. "Masquerade" and "Rose" have happened in between. **

****Also, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. It's nice that you're taking the time to let me know you like what I'm doing. ****Going to dedicate this chapter to Tee, thank you for your encouraging words in your review; that's by far the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while!**** Thanks again. ****

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As Elena sat in her room, anxiously waiting for her phone to ring, her mind travelled over the events of the past few days. They had gone by so quickly, but so much had happened, that Elena felt like she was on emotional overload. Damon and Stefan had hatched a plan to try and kill Katherine, which had backfired but had at least resulted in her being stuck in the tomb and away from everyone. Stefan had come to her after the Masquerade ball, expecting a reconciliation now that Katherine was out of the way, but Elena hadn't been able to give him what he wanted. It felt wrong to just try and go back to how things had been between them, because Elena knew that things never would be the same again between them. It had broken Elena's heart to see his face when she had deferred him, and told him that she needed to wake up and know that her family was safe before they could be together again. She had been trying to buy time, because she still didn't know what she was going to do regarding Damon.

Elena had been making her way back to her car when she had been abducted, and the next thing she had known she had been waking up in the drawing room of an old, musty mansion. As Elena had lain there, acutely aware of all of the injuries she had accrued the night before, injuries that Damon and Stefan had intended to inflict upon Katherine, she had felt a sense of panic set in that she might never see them again. Knowing that her captives were vampires, Elena, was painfully aware that she might not survive this experience, and faced with this reality, it had forced her to think, really_ think_ about how she felt. Damon had done so many awful things, how could she just forget them? He had nearly killed Jeremy, he was responsible for Vicky's death, he had killed Lexi, he had murdered countless people just for the sheer hell of it. _But so has Stefan_, Elena's mind had helpfully supplied. Ok, Stefan hadn't killed as many people as Damon, but he had killed, and it would be wrong of her to hold it against Damon that he had killed people, if she wasn't going to hold it against Stefan too.

Stefan had been drinking a small amount of her blood each day, to try and build up a tolerance, but Elena wasn't stupid; she had seen how hard it had been for him to control himself after she had given him her blood to revive him after the tomb vampires had tortured him. Elena knew that when it came to drinking blood, Stefan was far more unstable than Damon, Damon could control his urges to feed and kill, but Stefan couldn't. In one way, that made Stefan the more dangerous brother to be around. Elena remembered something then, how she had sat in the basement of the Salvatore house when they had locked Stefan in the cell down there; Damon had sat with her. He had stayed with her, and he had comforted her, he had been there for her when she needed someone. Damon had saved her life, on more than one occasion. He had never lied to her, he always told her what she needed to know, even if she didn't want to hear it. Stefan, had never been entirely open with her.

Elena just sat there, not knowing for how long, running through everything she knew about Damon and Stefan. She was no closer to knowing what to do. Elena was trying to be logical, but logic is usually redundant when it comes to affairs of the heart. Elena couldn't deny that she was definitely attracted to Damon, she had to admit that Stefan had never made her feel quite like Damon did when they were in bed together. Elena didn't have much to compare when it came to sex, Matt had been her first; they'd had a few inexperienced fumblings in the back of her dad's car. Making love with Stefan had always been a perfectly satisfying experience, there was no denying that he was an incredibly skilled lover, but she just couldn't deny the raw passion she felt with Damon. Damon had given her the most intense experiences of her life the two times they'd had sex, and she just couldn't push them out of her mind, even though now seemed like a stupid time to be thinking about sex. It wasn't just sex for him though, he had told her he loved her. Could she believe that? And why did she feel just a little bit of excitement in the pit of her stomach at the thought that it might be true?

Love. That brought up thoughts of Stefan. Elena knew that despite the feelings she was starting to accept she had for Damon, she did still love Stefan. He had been kind to her, and gentle, and he had been exactly what she needed after the death of her parents. If it hadn't been for him, she would have died with them in that car, and when she had met Stefan, she was still wishing that she had; he had brought her out of that. How could Elena be honestly comparing the two? How did she get herself into that situation? She was frustrated at herself, and getting nowhere fast.

Stefan and Damon had both come to rescue her, they were working _together_ for her, and Elena had wondered _would Stefan still speak to Damon if he knew what had happened? Would he even want to rescue her if he knew she had slept with Damon? _When Damon had driven the stake through Elijah's heart, and Elena had been walking towards Damon, his face had lit up at the sight of her coming towards him. It was that look, that made her realise she loved him. He had looked at her with a mixture of adoration, relief that she was ok and love etched across the plains of his beautiful face; it left her breathless. Elena had forgotten about Stefan in that moment, everything else had ceased to exist, and as she made her way towards Damon, she started to return his smile. At that moment, Stefan appeared in front of her, halting her journey and wrapped his arms around her; Elena instinctively hugged him back, but there was something missing. She mouthed "_thank you" _silently over his shoulder at Damon, and he replied with an equally silent _"you're welcome."_

The car journey back had been a long one; both brothers wanted to know exactly what had transpired in the hours she had been held captive. Elena just felt exhausted, and she had fallen asleep, despite everything, about half way back to Mystic Falls. Damon had been driving, and he had dropped her and Stefan at her house, before he headed back to the boarding house. Stefan seemed even more attentive than usual when he got her inside the house. He picked Elena up and carried her up the stairs; he had helped her out of the ruined clothes she now wore, and he lay with her on the bed, pulling her tightly against him. "I love you", he whispered softly, and kissed the top of her head. Elena twisted so that she could look at him, and she was reminded of the night they had broken up, and how hurt he had looked. He leaned down to kiss her, and she easily fell into kissing him back.

Stefan deepened the kiss, worried about how fragile she was at the moment, but wanting to show her in a physical way how he felt about her. Elena looked into his eyes as he kissed her, and all she saw there was love, it made her feel even worse about what she had done to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and tangled her hands in his hair, opening her mouth to his and allowing his tongue entry. His hands carefully began work on removing her clothes, and Elena didn't stop him; she craved the familiarity that came with making love to Stefan. He momentarily moved away from her, and stood to remove his own clothes at the side of the bed. Elena reached out for him, and pulled him back towards her, where he lay gently on top of her, careful not to put too much of his weight on her. He kissed his way along her neck, and Elena moaned when he momentarily pulled back to look at her. "What? Why've you stopped?" She asked.

He didn't answer, just looked at her searchingly for a long moment. There had been something about the look he gave her that bothered her. Stefan continued to kiss his way down her body, kissing her everywhere she wanted to be kissed, until he reached her inner thighs, and again she moaned in frustration when he stopped. "Stefan…" she pleaded. He didn't look at her, he just rested his forehead against her stomach, and sighed audibly. "What's wrong Stefan?" she asked.

"Elena, do you love me?" his voice sounded slightly hollow when he asked that. Elena couldn't understand why he was asking her that now, of all times.

"Of course I do, Stefan." She honestly meant it. Elena _did_ love him. "I _love _you" she emphasised again, all the while feeling like there was something slightly amiss with his behaviour.

"Ok." Was all he said, and he seemed to relax a little at her response, but not totally. Stefan resumed his earlier path, and placed a gentle kiss on her core. He pushed two fingers inside of her, and softly sucked on her clitoris as he thrust his fingers inside of her. Elena squirmed impatiently, he was being too gentle. As if Stefan had read her mind, he had added a third finger, stretching her as he quickened his pace a little.

As amazing as what Stefan was doing had felt, Elena's mind had kept wandering slightly. It wasn't that she was imagining Damon, it was just that her mind couldn't help but make comparisons. "Stefan, please… I want you inside of me." Elena said, hoping that having him in her would distract her from the thoughts running through her mind. Stefan broke away from her, and positioned himself above her. He leaned in to kiss her, and they both let out groans of pleasure as their bodies joined. They went slowly at first, both savouring the connection. They kissed, hot, open-mouthed kisses, their noses bumping each others, each meeting the others gaze as they made love. Both were nearing completion, and their hands joined on the pillow next to Elena's head, moving quicker against each other, trying to intensify the friction.

Stefan did something that shocked Elena then. "Elena" he said, breaking away from her lips and kissing down her neck, to her breast, grazing his teeth against the soft skin. "I want- I'm going to bite you." And with that he had sunk his fangs into her, and they had both come crashing over the edge, their orgasms washing over them at the same time. Elena hadn't been frightened in that moment that he wouldn't be able to stop, the pleasure she had felt when he bit her had been enough to push her fears out of her mind. It was so unlike him, he had never done that before; Elena didn't think he would be able to. Stefan had managed to stop, and he had laved the wound with his tongue afterwards. He had pulled her to him then, and just held her. Elena had laid there next to him, wondering about his slightly odd behaviour, but her overactive mind somewhat sated by the pleasant, afterglow of her orgasm.

After a couple of hours, he had made to leave, saying that he had to get back to the boarding house because he had something he needed to discuss with Damon. It didn't occur to Elena to be worried about this as she kissed Stefan goodbye. With Stefan gone, Elena went over to her dressing table mirror and just sat staring at herself; she really was identical to Katherine. She felt sick at herself that she was behaving the way that she was, but she couldn't help herself. Elena turned her head slightly, to examine herself from a different angle, and that's when she saw it. It was faint, but it was there. _Fuck! _Elena had started to panic then and had jumped quickly from the seat and stood, so that she could examine her inner thigh. There was a bite mark there, a mark that Damon had left, just like the one on her neck, she couldn't have taken enough of his blood to heal them. Both marks were faded, but they were there, and Stefan had seen them. He _must_ have. Elena did the first thing that came to mind then, she quickly reached for her phone, seeking out Damon's number. Damon answered on the first ring. "Elena?" he asked, curious why she was calling.

"He knows. Stefan knows." Elena said, on the verge of hyperventilating.

"You told him?" Damon had asked, clearly shocked.

"We had sex. It was weird." Damon snickered at this. "Oh, shut up! He was acting weird, that's what I meant. He must have seen the bite marks you left on me. He's on his- "

Elena heard Stefan's voice call out to Damon on the other end of the line. "Gotta go." Damon said, and then the phone had gone dead, leaving Elena feeling completely and utterly alone.

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**A/N: I struggled with this chapter a bit. I didn't want to dwell too much on the episodes mentioned, but I wanted to focus on the bits I highlighted, like the way Damon looks at her in "Rose", and how odd it was that Elena didn't immediately go back to Stefan at the end of "Masquerade." If anyone is unsure as to which part I mean from "Rose" you can find it here, if the link will work:** .com/watch?v=NjXmPfyNCv8** (otherwise you can go to youtube and paste /watch?v=NjXmPfyNCv8 after the .com) Also, my apology at the start related to the Stefan/Elena hook up, I know a lot of you will probably find it distasteful, but it wouldn't have felt right to me if she had just fallen out of love with him over night. I wanted to show that it's a real struggle for her to figure out how she feels, that as far as Elena is concerned she has a real dilemma on her hands. I'm not one of the "Delana" fans that categorically can't stand Stefan, I like him, and I'm mindful that he genuinely loves Elena, and vice versa. Ultimately, I think it's going to depend on the feedback I get from people (if I get any!) who I decide to have her with at the end of the story. I will be getting in both Damon and Stefan's heads a little next chapter. Please let me know any thoughts you might have on this, all feedback is greatly appreciated, and it really does encourage me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Don't own TVD, wish like hell I did though!**

**A/N: Got this chapter done far quicker than I expected to. Focussed on one of the latter scenes in "Rose" and on a possible re-interpretation of it, thinking about a possible subtext for it.**

********Dedicating this chapter to toffeenutlatte, thanks for your very kind review of the last chapter; I'm glad that there is someone else out there who see's things similarly to me, re: Elena's dilema. I hope I'm not disappointing you, by delaying things a bit, but as I said before, in my experience, these things don't just resolve themselves over night. Thank you again ****  


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As Stefan lay next to Elena, he wasn't thinking about the vampire bites on her thigh and neck, he was thinking that despite the fact that she had betrayed him, he still loved her and he didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be with her. Stefan didn't entertain the idea that Elena might have slept with someone other than Damon, of course it would be him, it was always _him_. He looked down at Elena's beautiful face, and felt a pang of sorrow that she had gone behind his back with Damon. Stefan's gaze focussed on the mark he had left on her breast when he had bitten her; he had been stupid, he could have so _easily_ lost control. He hadn't been thinking clearly though, once his mind had made the connection between the marks on Elena, and Damon, he had felt a need to leave his mark on her too, to share the intimacy involved in such an act with her. He had started to ask her permission when he stopped himself, because he knew that even if Elena had said no, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself at that moment, and he couldn't have lived with himself if he had knowingly forced something on Elena that she didn't want.

Stefan knew, deep down, that he shouldn't have taken the quantity of blood that he had from her; he had been pushing his luck lately, he had already shared a blood bag with Damon on the way to rescue Elena, and he could feel the surge of power within him. He had been stupid, sometimes, he really gave Damon a run for his money in the stupidity department. Stefan's mind automatically wandered to Katherine; neither he nor Damon had been willing to share her with the other, they had destroyed each other fighting over her. The more Stefan thought about Katherine, the clearer it became why they had both fought so hard for her, both had been one hundred percent sure that they would win. With Elena though… Stefan wasn't confident she would choose him if he confronted her and tried to make her choose. Even Stefan had to admit that Damon behaved differently around Elena, and that she seemed to be able to get through to him, when no one else could; it sickened him to acknowledge it, but they had some kind of connection. He made his decision then, he wouldn't challenge Elena about Damon; he couldn't bare to lose her. The thought made him feel physically ill, but he would rather share her with Damon, than lose her permanently to him.

Stefan had believed Elena earlier when she had told him she loved him, he knew that she would never lie to him about something like that. He wondered what must be going through Elena's mind at the moment; did she feel bad about what she had done? Had she been thinking about Damon when she had called his name as she'd had her orgasm? Was she wishing he was Damon? Stefan couldn't take thinking like this anymore, and decided he needed to go and speak to Damon. He wasn't going to confront him either, but he had a few things he felt he finally had to say to him.

Stefan used his vampire super-speed to get back to the Salvatore boarding house, noting that he was quicker than usual after the human blood he had drunk. He called Damon's name as he came through the door, and made his way into the den, where he found Damon with his back to him, pouring himself a drink. Damon stiffened slightly when he heard Stefan come through the door, he wasn't frightened of his little brother, he could take him easily if it came down to that, but he didn't want to fight him. Elena would _never_ forgive him if he hurt Stefan, but he also knew that if a fight was what Stefan wanted, Damon wasn't going to stand there and let him get the better of him. Damon could sense though, as Stefan came into the den, that there was no fight in him. Was Elena wrong? Had he not figured out where the bite marks on Elena's body had come from? Damon doubted this, but obviously _he_ wasn't going to be the one to broach the subject. So instead, he chose a different tack, and feigned complete ignorance, and simply asked: "Where's Elena?"

"She's home." Stefan responded, not volunteering any more information than was needed.

"And you're here why?" Damon asked, honestly confused. He started to pour Stefan a drink.

"Because she wanted to be with Jeremy." Stefan lied without thinking, needing an excuse to have left Elena at a time when he knew she needed someone.

Something didn't feel right about that to Damon, but he didn't question it. He handed Stefan the drink he had poured him. "Here."

"Thanks." Stefan said, pausing, thinking about what he wanted to say next. "Listen. Rose told Elena about the curse."

"I know. We'll protect her," was all Damon could think to say. He still couldn't understand why Stefan hadn't attacked him yet. Stefan's next words weren't lost on Damon, however, and he realised that there was more to them than Stefan was really expressing.

"You know the only way we're going to be able to do that, is if we're not fighting each other. We let Katherine come between us… we let that happen with Elena, we're not going to be able to protect her." Damon turned to face Stefan, examining him as he said this. Damon knew that he was right, he also knew that Stefan was asking him, for Elena's sake, to back off.

"Yes, Stefan," he sighed, feigning boredom, in an attempt to hide how much the idea of harm coming to Elena because _they _had been too busy fighting each other to protect her properly, bothered him. "Heard it all before." _Ah, so here it comes, _he thought. He turned and made to walk away from Stefan, not really wanting to look at his brother, grudgingly acknowledging that the reason he didn't want to look at him was because he felt ever so slightly guilty, _and_ he knew St. Stefan had a point. He knew _exactly _how Stefan must be feeling right now, he had felt like it for 145 years; until he had met Elena that is. When he had met her, Katherine had ceased to hold the same allure for him anymore. It was ironic, but after meeting Elena, his reasons changed for wanting to find Katherine; he wanted Katherine because he couldn't have Elena; ironically, Katherine had become a _replacement_ to him. One thing about Katherine however, was that she was twisted like him, and on one level, he always thought they would be together because they had deserved each other, neither deserved to be with someone good, someone selfless, like Stefan or Elena. It had broken him slightly when Katherine had told him she had only ever wanted Stefan, because in that moment, he had decided it would be the same with Elena. How could someone like Elena, ever even think about being with someone like him? He was quickly becoming lost in thoughts of self loathing, when Stefan called out to him. "Hey."

"What?" Damon turned to face him.

"I'm sorry." Stefan simply said.

"About what?" Damon said impatiently, knowing that he probably wasn't going to like what Stefan said.

"About being the guy who made you turn 145 years ago." Stefan paused. "Y'know, I've never said that out loud. I guess I just needed to say it, and you needed to hear it. I'm sorry, what I did was selfish. I didn't want to be alone. I guess I just wanted my brother." Stefan knew it was a low blow, but it was all he could think to say; he genuinely meant that he was sorry for what he had done to Damon all those years ago, but he was also trying to remind Damon that he was his brother, and that brothers shouldn't betray each other. It had been the underlying meaning of the conversation, and Damon knew Stefan well enough to pick up on it. Stefan had been hoping that if he reminded Damon of how close they had once been, that he might think twice about pursuing Elena, like he had Katherine.

"Enough Stefan, it's late. We're not going to rehash that." Damon responded. He didn't care to continue the conversation further, it had given him enough to think about. Damon had honestly been expecting Stefan to fly off the handle at him, but he hadn't. The more Damon thought about Stefan's behaviour though, the more he seemed to understand it, Stefan wasn't challenging Damon for a reason; he was worried that it would cost him Elena to bring the truth out. As Damon made his way up to his room, he realised that Stefan would rather feign ignorance of the whole situation, than risk losing her over it. _He was willing to share Elena._ Damon sat on the edge of his bed, stunned, as the realisation hit him.

In the den, Stefan downed the drink that Damon had poured for him, and went over to the liquor cabinet to pour himself another. He felt oddly wired. He knew it must be the blood he had consumed, he had excess energy and he could practically feel the blood coursing through his veins, vitalising him. He needed to hunt he realised; keep his blood supplies stocked up so that his cravings wouldn't get the better of him. He shouted up the stairs to Damon on his way out, "I'm going hunting."

Damon heard the door shut behind him, and it snapped him out of his reverie. He clutched for his cell phone in his pocket and dialled Elena's number, she answered immediately, sounding slightly breathless. "What happened?"

"Nothing," he said simply.

"What? What do you mean, nothing?" Elena asked.

"I mean, nothing happened. He doesn't know, Elena." Damon winced, he had lied to Elena, something he prided himself on not doing. "I'm coming over." He hand up the phone before she could attempt to convince him otherwise. He knew that they needed to talk, but he wasn't going to have the conversation they needed to have over the phone.

Elena didn't want Damon to come into her room, she knew she would have a much harder time resisting him if he tried anything in there, so she had made her way down to den. Damon didn't bother knocking when he got to the house, he could hear that there was only one heart beat in the house, he knew that Elena was alone. "Elena?" he called out.

"In here." Elena responded, her stomach doing a nervous flip flop. She shouldn't be alone with him. As soon as she saw him come through the doorway, Elena was reminded of the instinct she had had to run to him after he had killed Elijah. He seemed to be thinking on similar lines, and before Elena could move from the sofa, she found herself wrapped tightly in Damon's embrace. She buried her neck in his shoulder, and sighed heavily. "Thank you, for earlier Damon." Elena said, looking up at him, needing to vocalise what she didn't get to say earlier. Damon smirked in typical Damon fashion, and started to respond: "You know Elena, if you _really_ wanted to thank me…"

"Damon, don't. Not now." Elena pleaded.

He could see she meant it, so he said. "Ok," and went back to hugging her tightly. Elena closed her eyes, she wished she didn't feel the way she did about both of them. They finally broke their embrace, and Damon took her hand in a very uncharacteristically tender way, and sat seemingly fascinated by the circular patterns his thumb was tracing on the back of her hand. "What really happened Damon?" Elena asked, she was sure that Damon wasn't telling her something.

"I told you, nothing. Stefan didn't say anything. I don't think he knows, I don't think he's figured it out." Damon couldn't believe he was lying to her, to her face. "He didn't say anything to me, Elena, and I can't read his mind, but I can't believe he wouldn't not confront me over something like this."

"Yeah, you're right." Elena agreed. "Maybe he thought that Trevor or Rose had attacked me and didn't want to mention it?" Elena suggested hopefully, grasping at straws. When Elena had called Damon earlier that day in a panic, thinking that Stefan had found out about them, Damon knew that Elena had made her choice. If she had wanted to be with Damon, she wouldn't have rung him, half scared out of her wits. He sighed and reached up to fiddle with a lock of her hair, meeting her gaze. "Elena." Damon paused, carefully thinking about how to phrase what he wanted to say. "I think you should have some of my blood. It will heal the marks, and you won't have to worry about them in future. I should have thought about it before; they take a long time to heal." They sat looking at each other for a long while, Damon not wanting to pressure Elena. "It will heal the other wounds you've picked up over the last few days too." He added.

"Ok." Elena said. "How do you want to…?" She asked, trailing off, knowing that she didn't need to finish her question. "And do we… er, do we have to… do you want… I mean, would you prefer it if we…" Elena couldn't finish this question; Damon realised that she wanted to know if they had to have sex when he gave her his blood. Damon reached for her, and pulled her gently onto his lap, with her back to him. "No, Elena. We don't have to." He wrapped his left arm around her midriff, and gently kissed her neck, because he couldn't stop himself. "Of course, I want to, but I'm not going to pressure you into anything Elena. I understand, you've made your decision, and I promise you right now, that I'm going to do my best to respect that."

Elena began to panic about that, _made her decision? _She hadn't made any decision; she was still just as confused as when this whole affair had started. She was horrified when she realised that she was slightly disappointed with his answer, what was wrong with her? Only hours ago, she had been having sex with Stefan, his brother, it was wrong of her to feel like this. Elena heard the sickening sound of Damon biting into his own wrist, vampire skin was harder to penetrate than human skin, and the sound was unpleasant. He brought his wrist around to her lips, and Elena closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the wound, as she brought it up to her lips.

As Elena's lips closed around the wound, Damon couldn't hold back the moan that escaped his lips; it wasn't just pleasurable for a vampire to drink someone else's blood. He closed his eyes, and tried to fight off his arousal, not wanting to upset Elena, after he had just told her he would behave around her. It was no use though, and he felt himself hardening as she sucked deeply on his wrist. Each draught she took of his blood, sent a wave of pleasure through him, only hardening him further. There was something intoxicating about Damon's blood, and she gripped onto his wrist with both of her hands, holding it to her lips, drinking deeper. It felt painfully erotic to her, to be sharing his blood like this, and as she felt his arousal pressed tightly against her; Elena groaned out loud at the thought.

Without really thinking about it, Elena took hold of Damon's free hand, and guided it underneath her shirt, up towards her breast. Damon's hand halted before it reached Elena's intended destination for it, refusing to go further. "Elena…" Damon groaned, hoarsely. "Do you really want this?" He didn't know what he would do if she said no, possibly explode. He hadn't quite counted on the intensity of the reaction he had had to Elena drinking his blood, and he knew with the slightest encouragement from her, his promise of mere minutes before would be broken in a heartbeat. Elena was so affected by Damon's blood, that at that very second, she was very clear what she wanted. She tore her lips away from his wrist, blood was smeared slightly around her mouth, and twisted her head round to face him. "At this moment in time, I've never wanted anything more." Elena said, and roughly pulled his lips crashing towards hers. Damon lost himself in the ecstasy of kissing Elena's lips, and groaned loudly as her tongue found its way into his mouth.

Damon pulled Elena's shirt over her head, and he eagerly palmed her breasts, causing Elena to arch against him, creating a delicious friction between them. He placed wet, open mouthed kisses along the column of Elena's neck and across her shoulder, nibbling gently with his teeth, but not breaking the skin. Elena's hands came round behind her to fiddle with the fastening on his jeans, and she slightly awkwardly got them undone, while his hands travelled under her skirt and quickly ripped off her underwear. Damon's fingers found their way amongst the wet curls at the apex of Elena's thighs, and she shuddered in pleasure. "Oh, god… you're so wet…" Damon whispered against her ear, kissing every part of her he could reach. His hands travelled down towards her knees and he applied gentle pressure indicating she should spread her legs a little, he encouraged her to lift herself up slightly, and as she did so, he guided himself to her entrance. Elena bit on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out as he lowered her slowly down onto him, he had never felt so deep inside of her before. "Oh, fuck… Elena!" Damon moaned into her neck, as they joined completely. He slowly thrust into her, bringing one hand up to caress her breasts, pinching her nipples, as the other hand blazed a trail along her stomach, and down to the little nub nestled between her legs.

Elena grabbed hold of the arm of the sofa to steady herself, and the other reached around behind her, and tangled itself in his hair, pulling his mouth down to hers again, as they rocked against each other, frantically. Damon was almost embarrassed at how quickly his orgasm was approaching; he wanted Elena to come with him, and he applied more pressure to her clit, rubbing it in a circular motion. "Come with me Elena" he said against her lips, clenching his jaw slightly at the effort of holding off his own release. His words sent a wave of pleasure through her, and as she met his lips in a carnal, open mouthed kiss, they both came together, unable to stifle their cries. They sat there for what felt like hours, Elena not having the energy to care that Jenna or Jeremy might come home and find them like that. When they finally separated, Damon had pulled Elena back to sit on his lap, but this time facing him. He placed a hand on either side of her face, and rubbed his nose against hers, before planting a string of soft kisses upon her lips.

"Damon?" Elena said quietly, questioningly.

"Elena?" he responded, playfully.

"I love you." Elena said, meeting his gaze. Damon didn't like what he saw lingering in her eyes.

"I know." Damon responded, pulling away from her slightly. "But we can't be together. You're choosing Stefan, I get it."

"I- it's not… it's not that. I just… earlier you said I'd made up my mind. I hadn't… I still haven't. And it's wrong of me to keep doing this to you both. If I do, then I become Katherine." Elena placed a hand on each of his cheeks, holding his head in place so that he couldn't look away from her. "I'm sorry, Damon. I just need more time." _Time_, Damon thought, slightly scathingly. That's _all_ he and Stefan had, and he knew that if it came down to a waiting game, they would both wait an eternity for Elena.

"Ok, Elena." Damon sighed, and slid her off his lap. "I think I should go now… being here… it's…" He trailed off.

"I know." Elena responded, not needing him to finish his sentence. It was hard for him to be here, and she could understand that. It was equally hard for her having him here, because all she really wanted to do was kiss the hurt look off his face. The problem was, that she had the same feelings when she was around Stefan. She loved both of them, and the idea of hurting either one of them hurt her too. Elena stared at Damon's retreating back, as he made his way out of the house. "Goodbye, Damon." She whispered, closing her eyes and drawing her knees up towards herself, resting her chin against them. When she heard the door shut behind him, she finally let the tears that had been building up over the last week fall.

* * *

**A/N: Hoping this chapter sheds a bit of light on a few of the things that happened in the last chapter. I've got a reasonably clear idea of where I'm going with this now, but it might be a while before I update, because I'm hoping to go back to Uni next year, and at this rate, I'll submitting this fic as my application as this seems to be the only thing I'm making progress with... Hmmm, wonder how that would go down...? **

**Please, let me know what you think. It really encourages me to hear what you think I'm doing well with, but I'm equally happy if anyone has any suggestions for improvement to work on them. I know a lot of you keep adding this to your follow lists, and I'd appreciate it if you could just let me know what you think so far...**

**Thanks!**


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